MYST #1 – Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Good bad movies have become an important part of film culture. From Ed Wood to Tommy Wiseau, some men have that misguided drive of filmmaking that results in messy, confusing, and contorted attempts at art. But, if they're good enough (or, bad enough), it will spark a cult following full of midnight screenings, hilarity, and good times for all, as evident from movies like The Room, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and any Mystery Science 3000 screening.

It had come to my attention that another film was graciously to this list, a movie entitle Bidemic: Shock and Terror. From the title alone, I knew I was in for one heck of a ride. It's not like I was oblivious to this film; I had previously dug up some info about this movie from various critics and humor sites, one of which stated that the movie will "change your life." Obviously this got my attention, so I decided "Hey, why not? It's probably better than sitting in front of YouTube all day anyway." So on to Netflix I went, pulled up Birdemic, gathered a bowl Cheez-its and pretzels, and sat through it, beginning to end.

Oh, boy. Ooooooooh, boy. Oof, they were right when they said it'll change your life, but in all the wrong reasons.

Lemme break it down for you.

The story:

The first act of the story follows Rod, a software salesman, living his successful life in his suburban home. That's it. I mean, really, that's all there is to it in the first act. The first three minutes of opening credits are just of him driving in a highway. They even get a shot of him filling his tank with gas. Look, I know that setting the mood of the scene, but you don't do that with stock footage of reality TV shows.

I mean, there is this romantic subplot between Rod and a fashion model named Natalie, but that's hardly as interesting as Roddy buying a pack of gum.

Speaking of which, before I move on I need to address this Rod guy's actor.

Throughout the movie, he seems to be doing one fundamental acting philosophy very wrong. ACTING. I mean, my god! There's drywall with finer characteristics than what this guys is putting on the screen. Don't get me wrong, none of the other actors qualify for the Oscars, but they look like an army of Marlon Brandos compared to this man.

Anyway, back to the (lack of) story.

So, we see him live his life, becoming successful at his job, watching TV, and having awkward sexy-times with his new girlfriend(?).

But wait, where are the birds? I mean, the movie is Birdemic. Seriously, it's 40 minutes, not kidding, 40 MINUTES into the movie, and I have not seen a single...

Oh...oh my.

So yeah, the birds are attacking everything. And they are exploding into houses kamikaze style.

I mean WOW! This came literally out of nowhere! I was just watching Roddy and his Victoria Secret model girlfriend getting it on, and now everything turned into a Michael Bay reboot of The Birds.

Speaking of birds, let's take a look at these cutting edge bird special effects:

M...mind...mindblowing...

Ok, so after our protagonists realize they've been surrounded by killer birds, they rush out and get their friends in hopes of escaping the terror. With limited supplies, they turn to the only weapons they can find: coat hangers?

Ok, this movie wasn't making a whole bunch of sense as it is. Let's focus on something that does make sense in this movie: subtle environmental messages! And by subtle, I mean it's screaming in your ears through five stereos while dubstep about polar bears plays in the background.

I know that making movies for a good cause is one thing, but it's another thing to be making something for the Discovery Channel, especially if you get this guy involved:

So yeah, it's an environmental horror/thriller/disaster/whatever movie about a guy who falls in love with a girl who then has to survive exploding birds. I won't spoil the spectacular ending for you. (Note the sarcasm.)

But wait, I'm not done! There are a few other things I want to cover.

Writing:

What? Storytelling? I'm sorry, I though this was a special for the SyFy channel.

Sound design:

Non-existent, aside from the boring soundtrack (both in the sense of bored boring and it's boring into my skull boring).

Acting:

See Roddy above.

Camera work:

"Are you a cinematographer?"

"Uh...I've taken pictures on my iPhone..."

"That's good enough for me! You're hired!"

Visual effects:

I have no words. Just...just look:

This movie, all in all, is TERRIBLE. Everything about is wrong, wrong, wrong. But...that's why I loved it in the end. It's another one of those movies that it so bad good, like I mentioned earlier. Nothing makes sense, no one seems to know a lick about making movies, and that's how the movies stands. It is the best worst movie I've seen and, dare I say, ever made.

If your bored on a weekend, grab a group of friends and whip up this motion picture masterpiece. You'll cry, cringe, and laugh your butts off all the way through. It is an experience that is meant to shared and remembered.



I give this movie

0/10 for quality.

100/10 for watchability!


I hope you all enjoyed my review of Birdemic: Shock and Terror.


Fond regards,
~Grant Dunderman
October 2013
Film Studies Period 10